Sex as a Replacement Addiction or Numbing Agent

The term “sexual addiction” can be defined in so many different ways and are given many labels such as Nymphomania, hypersexuality, erotomania, perversion, and sexual obsession. People struggling with sexual addiction find themselves behaving in uncontrollable and compulsive ways, putting themselves and those around them in considerable danger. Sexual addiction does not get the same attention as drug and alcohol addiction, but it is still very real and very dangerous. The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as "engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self and others." Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family member’s increases as the disorder progresses. Over time, the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results. Sex addiction can involve a wide variety of practices, and may co-occur (dual diagnosis) with drug and alcohol addiction or other substances and psychological disorders. A large number of sex addicts say their unhealthy use of sex was a progressive process. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or electronic), a relationship, multiple relationships, or a series of one-night-stands, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors.

As stated earlier sex addiction may be accompanied with another addiction or disorder and in this blog I will explain how one addiction could possibly replace the other. As we know Lindsy Lohan, the famous child actor turned superstar party girl has been in and out of rehab for her addiction to coke. In an exclusive News of the World interview with Riley Giles the Extreme sports professional tells all about how “TROUBLED Hollywood star Lindsay Lohan has traded her dangerous DRUGS habit for a manic addiction to SEX”. He began the interview saying "Lindsay's definitely a nymphomaniac. She's wild in bed. We'd have sex a couple of times in the day and then go to it through the night. We once did it four times in a row straight. That was crazy. Lindsay was insatiable. She'd demand sex again and again. We'd go at it for hours. She'd have worn out most guys." The two meet in rehab which both of them had attended and instantly began a sexual relationship barely knowing each other. Riley revealed how Lindsay used orgasm after orgasm as a potent substitute for the huge chemical hits she was used to while partying. He explained: "When you orgasm, your endorphins shoot up and it becomes a massive natural high. If you have an addictive personality like Lindsay you need that to replace the highs you got from taking drugs all the time. Sex became a key part of her recovery. Riley revealed their relationship changed when Mean Girls star Lindsay got back to Los Angeles to pick up her career. And he confessed he is terrified she might return to her bad old ways saying "I worry because it must be very difficult to keep up your recovery," he said. "I couldn't do it. Lindsay has a very addictive personality.”

Just like Lindsay many people addicted to a drug tries to replace it with another substance not thought of as so damaging during treatment. I’ve seen many times recovering crack heads or heroin addicts turn to alcohol. In some other cases alcohol or a drug of some sort is needed in the system to have sex. In Caroline Knapp’s story “Sex,” from Drinking: A Love Story the young lady Meg describes how alcohol actually helped her to numb the fear she experienced with sex by saying “Alcohol can numb fear, and allow you to fake it, and take you places you literally don’t want to go: strange beds. But it can also give you access to romance, a bridge to the positive sides of sexuality. Alcohol felt like the cement in female sexuality, at least it did to me: over the years the two would become so deeply linked that for the longest time I simply couldn’t imagine one without the other. A first kiss without drinks? Forget it. Sex without liquor? No way (p.86)”. This feeling of not being able to be sexual without alcohol being present allows me to think that she was ashamed of her body or herself. She believed that the drinking completed her saying “Drinking was as integral to my sense of sexuality as a body part: no more, no less. And sometimes that form of integration was effective, amazingly so (p.86)”.

Here we saw how sex addiction could be used to replace another addiction as well as an numbing agent. Overcoming sexual addiction starts with recognizing that you are out of control sexually. Getting to that point requires taking a hard look at yourself and the problems emotional, physical, financial, or legal caused by your sexual behavior. The second and most difficult issue involves facing the guilt, shame and depression associated with the addiction. It takes trust and time with a competent therapist to work through these emotions. Besides the steps taken by the addict trying to recover Shaef suggest as a culture things that would need to change. As we all know advertisements promotes sex in every way they possibly could and although if sex ads decreased it would have a tremendous economic impact but would also help in the treatment and recovery process of sex addicts. Overall, if a person is using sex as a replacement addiction or as an anesthetic treatment is available but as many other addictions it will take others as well as addict to fully recover.