Ne-Yo's Sex Addiction

Want to but I can't help it

I love the way it feels

It's got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real

I need it when I want itI want it when I don't

Tell myself I'll stop everyday, knowing that I won't

I've got a problem and I (don't know what to do about it)

Even if I did I don't know if i would quit

But I doubt it

I'm taken by the thought of it

And I know this much is true

Baby, you have become my addiction

I'm so strung out on you

I can barely move...but I like itAnd it's all because of you (all because of you)

So, and it's all because of you (all because of you)

And it's all because of you (all because of you)

So, and it's all because...Never get enough

She's the sweetest drug

Think of it every second

I can't get nothing done
Only concern is the next time, I'm gon' get me some

Know I should stay away from'cause it's no good for me

I try and try but my obsession, won't let me leave

I've got a problem and I (don't know what to do about it)

Even if I did I don't know if i would quit

But I doubt it

I'm taken by the thought of it

And I know this much is true

Baby, you have become my addiction

I'm so strung out on you

I can barely move...but I like it

And it's all because of you (all because of you)

So, and it's all because of you (all because of you)

And it's all because of you (all because of you)

So, and it's all because...Never get enough

She's the sweetest drug

Ain't no doubt
So strung out

Ain't no doubt

So strung out

Over you, over you, over you

Because of you

And it's all because of you

Never get enough

She's the sweetest drug

And I know this much is true

Baby, you have become my addiction

I'm so strung out on you

I can barely move...but it I like it

And it's all because of you (all because of you)
So, and it's all because of you (all because of you)

And it's all because of you (all because of you)

So, and it's all because...Never get enough

She's the sweetest drug

She's the sweetest drug sweetest drug

In this blog I’ve decided to look at sex addiction through the lens of popular music and music artists. Many of you know or have heard of the pop star Ne-Yo and may have even heard of his alleged sex addiction. I will be looking at his self written songs and a few interviews to expose and critique this form of addiction. I began my discussion of sex addiction with the lyrics to one of his popular songs called “Because of You”. In the very first stanza of the song it is clear, although not specifically said that he is talking about an addiction of some sort. It doesn’t become clear that he is speaking of sex until he says “she’s the sweetest drug”. Following up to that part one might speculate that he’s talking about drug or perhaps alcohol addiction which is interesting that he uses that same language as one would use to describe a chemical dependency. He specifically states in the lyrics that “you have become my addiction” and that he’s strung out fully admitting to his obsession to the woman and how she feels ( the language used implies he’s talking about how she feels sexually). After watching the music video it was even clearer that that addiction he was speaking of was to sex. Different girls appears in a few scenes in compromising sexual positions, often in the bed half naked. In Wilson Shaef’s article “Sexual Addiction” he introduces Patrick Carnes levels of sex addiction and then later on critiques it saying “I believe Carnes levels of exual addiction are good. I would probably expand the levels and add others (p.32)”. Indeed Shaef does just this, expanding on the pre-existing levels and then adding one. I believe both Shaef and Carnes would agree to categorize Ne-Yo in the second level which includes “passive sexual addiction, are obsessive sexual fantasizing, passive pornography (voyeuristic, private), and voyeurism (p.33)” which is all evident in the lyrics and video to his song.

In an interview with Vibe Magazine back in 2006 Ne-Yo said that his addiction to sex has turned him into someone who resembles "Sammy Davis and Bugs Bunny with some porn mixed in," he also told the interviewer that his uncontrollable horniness also resulted in him making the grade with most (if not all) of the girls in his junior-year class. "I became a complete whore," Ne-Yo confesses, "I might possibly have had sex with every girl in my 11th grade class … it went from like, nothing to like, three and four a day." This somewhat cocky attitude and admitting to his addiction is not often seen with this type of addiction simply because it is not as accepted in our society as a “traditional” addiction (i.e. drug abuse). In Shaef’s article it goes more into depth on reasons why people aren’t willing to admit to having a sexual addiction by saying “Sexual addiction, is a hidden addiction; I have found more willingness to confront almost any other addiction. Sexual addiction carries a particularly large component of shame and denial with it. Paradoxically, it is also one of the addictions that is most intergraded into our society as “normal (p. 11) This explanation can possibly be why a year later Ne-Yo came out refuting the claims of his addiction in interviews and recording the declamatory song entitled "Addicted."

Young, energetic, famous but don't really sweat it

Rich enough, fairly hot - so basically sex is not:

Difficult to get

That ain't my fault, naw naw

Listen

And just cuz I might take advantage once or twice

People tell me I'm not right, thinking that sex was my life

But that just ain't me

So let me clear it for those who have obviously misread the code

Listen to me now

NO I AM NOTI'm not

ADDICTED TO SEX
But girl I guarantee that if you lay with me

You just might be

NO I AM NOT

I'm not ADDICTED TO SEX

But girl I guarantee that if you lay with me

You just might be yeah

I wanna 'pologize for bein just a little freaky

I can't help it, it's just ?

But a problem it is notI'm just fine ya'll

Don't worry bout me

Listen

And I wanna 'pologize

For bein blessed with the ability to satisfy accurately

And quickly find the spot

It's a gift and a curse

Don't mess around - find my numberIn your girlfriend's purse

NO I AM NOT

I'm not ADDICTED TO SEX

But girl I guarantee that if you lay with meYou just might be

NO I AM NOT

I'm not ADDICTED TO SEX

But girl I guarantee that if you lay with meYou just might be yeah

I never been shy bout my self and sexuality

Never been taboo (never been taboo but if I)

Have to live without

I know its something I could do

But I just really don't want to

Now in this song we see a few contradictions relating to his first song “Because of You”. He says many times that he is NOT ADDICTED TO SEX , and that if he had to live without it he could, when in fact in the first song he says “Tell myself I'll stop everyday, knowing that I won't” and “Even if I did I don't know if i would quit”. Why did Ne-Yo decide to change up and now deny his addiction? My guess would be the component of shame talked about in the article associated with sex addiction. After all of the talk about him being strung out and openly admitting to his addiction now was turned upside down. To sum up the critique and to cut Ne-Yo some slack “like all other addicts, sexual addicts become progressively dishonest, self-centered, isolated, fearful, confused, devoid of feelings, dualistic, controlling, perfectionist, blinded to their disease (denial), insane, blaming (projection), and dysfunctional. In short, their lives become progressively unmanageable (p.11).