Sexual Anorexia

Many people may be more familiar with the type of anorexia that occurs when a person, obsesses over how to avoid food. Over time, this eating disorder can lead to numerous health concerns and even be fatal. This condition has a parallel known as sexual anorexia. Sexual anorexia occurs when a person , most often a woman fails to possess a healthy, sexual desire. This person will most likely be unaware of the hidden drivers that compel their behaviors. These people can be in loving marriages, but have no interest in expressing any type of sexuality. They will often fail to initiate sexual contact. The couple in the sex addiction therapist, Patrick Carnes article “Sex as Deprivation” struggled with sexual anorexia almost causing their marriage to end. I will be using examples from Shannon and Ben’s situation and quotes from Carnes to illustrate just how troubling this disorder is.

Many of the disorders/addictions discussed during the course consisted of someone overindulging in a substance of some sort but with sexual anorexia it is actually refraining from sex and any type of sexual contact. There are different ways this problem can manifest itself. It can be as extreme as complete avoidance from any type of sexual pleasure including masturbation, or as subtle as limiting sexual expression to sexual encounters. Oftentimes, there is an underlying social phobia or extreme shyness. There could have been a devastating rejection or trauma that resulted in subsequent avoidant behavior. There are many reasons why avoidant behaviors exist, but most often regardless of the original cause, there seems to be a resulting fear of intimacy that lies at the heart of the problem. Sometimes the risk of criticism and rejection is too great to bear, so the individual withdraws in self-imposed exile from people. In “Sex as Deprivation” this theory is again perpetuated saying “ Sexual anorexia usually starts with abandonment or betrayal. Sexual abuse would do it. But so would a profound rejection by a love one - or exploitation by a loved one (p.39)”.

The impact of sexual anorexia on marriage can be profound. This condition can force an unhealthy celibacy onto the spouse, or worse, help lead the spouse to pornography, masturbation, or extramarital sexual involvement. These behaviors, in turn, further hinders intimacy in the relationship and can facilitate a destructive cycle that threatens the marriage. Fortunately for Shannon and Ben this was not an issue. However Shannon’s first marriage ended because of her battle with sexual anorexia. After he divorce Shannon fell into a deep depression. She began to have affairs with married men at work and indulged in heavy drinking and bar hopping. Shannon said “Within three months I was out of control. I was stunned at how fast it went. From not being able to stand the thought of sex, I went to being obsessed with having it. (p.51)”. With this we saw how a sexual anorexic could easy conform to a sex addict. Both sexual anorexics and sex addicts feel powerless. They both end up in despair and with great life damage.

With any form of anorexia, control is a key contributor. With anorexia nervosa we seen how a person could use eating to control a part of their life the same type of thing occurs with sexual anorexia. A quote from Carnes says “for anorexics in this mode, the denial of sex is not only about sexual safety. Their internal logic dictates, “if I give in and have sex, nothing else is mine.” part of the terror around sex is that they will be used again. But the deeper terror around sex is that they lose control on the one area in which no one can take control away by force, they cease to be a person (p. 39)”. This way of thinking is very extreme and even questionable. In the quote it said no one can take the control one have’s over their sexual being so what would a sexual anorexic think or how would they feel if they are raped? Would they then feel like they have lost total control of themselves or would it not be considered the same thing because it was taken by force?

Just like any other disorder sexual anorexia can be treated. Treatment will start with counseling to help determine the cause. After determining the cause the patient would need to be willing to open up and give up the sense of placing total control on sex and eliminating self-hatred if present. Molly the women in the story Escape from Intimacy who battled with sexual anorexia in Shaef’s article “Sexual Addiction” was considered a lucky one. “Through her recovery work with her co-dependence she was able to name her addiction and begin a twelve-step program around her “sexual anorexia”(p.18)”. Sexual acting out may be a more serve sexual addiction however sexual anorexia can have some of the same effects on people and cause harm to the persons life.

*The actual article I used for this blog is on carmen under another class, therefore I was unable to link it to this page. However if you need to review this article I can somehow set up arrangements to get it to you*